Nick's Blog
Blog Capitals
27/4/2006 @ 14:57
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eh hoi hoi
Well, this'll be my last blog entry for a few days as I'm off to Budapest with Wifey for a few days. That's in Hungary, by the way. I've always wanted to visit Eastern Europe, mainly for the spying opportunities, but those days of SMERSH, NKVD and JVC are long gone. Wifey even told me they no longer have a secret police in Hungary!
But a new and exotic locale is always a welcome treat, particularly if you go there rather than reading about it in a book. I know very little of the country, except the language is extremely difficult. I tried practicing ordering a coffee yesterday and ended up speaking as if someone had taped me, cut up the audio tape and reversed it. Maybe that's what Hungarian is? Backwards masking turned into a language? Anyway, it all looks beautiful from what I've seen and I can't wait to tuck into a goulash, have some paprika, drink some Tokaj and reject the advances of a gay hussar.
Until next time, loog kucd nda aveh a trewg akeedne!
The Blog is Back in Town
25/4/2006 @ 11:52
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What would be your reaction if I said the word "bulge"? OK, let that reaction sink in...OK, now let me explain.
This morning I was having thoughts on the Battle of the Bulge. (Hang on, I've just read that last sentence back...and out loud...I love days where I can make statements like that). Of course, proper military historians like Alan Baigent call it the Ardennes Offensive (and I thought that was a Belgian footballing term for a professional foul) but to most of you lot, you'll probably remember the movie with Henry Fonda and Robert Shaw kicking petrol cans into German tanks. It was Hitler's last gamble to defeat the Allies, yada, yada yada. You get my point, and if you don't, then Google "Battle of the Bulge" and ignore the first 20,000 porn sites.
Anyway, this battle produced a whole slew of board wargames in the late 70's and early 80's all claiming to simulate all the nuances and desperate situation of the battle. And as time went on, the games got more bizarre titles: "Battle of the Bulge" started it, and then "Ardennes '44", "Hitler's Last Gamble" (which ignored the impromptu dominoes game in the Bunker in his last days), "Drive on Bastogne", "Patton's Glory", "Nuts!" (yes, in the folklore of the Battle of the Bulge, the word 'nuts' features heavily), "Battles for the Bulge Quad" (4 games in 1 in case you were wondering), "The Road to Wiltz" and even "One Page Bulge". The mind boggles. But my absolute favourite, because the game designers clearly didn't see the implications of the title, is "James F. Dunnigan's Bulge". Dunnigan is a legendary games designer whose heyday was in the 70's and 80's. And by legendary I mean he's highly respected and not a pointy eared guy with a sword who saves kingdoms from giants and such stuff.
Back in the days when I had hundreds of board wargames, I had no desire to purchase Mr. Dunnigan's product, open the box and check out his Bulge. My name's Nick Hughes, I'm here all week.
Blog Hope
23/4/2006 @ 10:33
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Sorry if I've been a bit absent from these blog boards, but I've been off filming new sketches for Rhubba.com. I'm happy to say the shoots went extremely well and I'm looking forward to getting them online here as soon as possible.
The Friday shoot in Surrey was particularly good fun. We were off to the location, which was arranged by a close friend of Wifey's family called Gordon, who was brilliant at getting us the best site possible. He met us at the station with a guage in his ear (people tell me it's not a guage, but a bluetooth earpiece for a phone...whatever, it's a guage to me) in a big silver SUV. He then whisked us down the leafy green roads of Surrey, down Millionaire's Row..."Brian May lives there...oh, he's in, must pop in on him on the way back and see how he's doing...Anita makes lovely jam scones". Then the guage rings..."Russ, you old devil...still on for tonight? Great, see you there and I'm sure you'll do a great show". Then he casually says to me "That was Russ Abbott; he's compering my birthday do tonight. I've got 180 people coming but Gerry Francis has got a tummy bug and has had to pull out".
All this is said matter of factly and without pretentiousness which made it sound all the more cool. I was tempted to abandon filming and just hang out with Gordon for the rest of the afternoon. The location he had got for us was a polo ranch which were hosting a team of Argentinians for the weekend. It was owned by two multi-millionaire brothers who were rich enough to have their own personal mansions next to each other on the estate. Footmen wafted around on jet-pack shoes carrying silver trays containing golden goblets of the finest wines the world has to offer...OK, I made that last bit up. I was beginning to wonder if there was nothing in that part of the world Gordon couldn't arrange if you asked him nicely. In leafy, quiet and green Surrey, I had found The Fonz.
Blog Roll
18/4/2006 @ 17:12
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I was chatting to someone today about one of my movies; "Pissing With Confidence" (If you haven't seen it, why not? Now go to "movies", click on it and watch it. I'll still be here when you get back.
Now you know what I'm talking about in this blog entry. Anyway, I he was saying he saw something on the internet about where men stand next to each other in public toilets and I replied to him that the idea was mine first. Well, I'm pretty sure it is.
I wrote the script and copyrighted it in early 2000, and as far as my research has found out, no one had done anything on the topic before then. Over the next 12 months, I went around to a few production companies, trying to raise the money to make the film. I got turned down by most and finally raised the amount (£5000) in the Summer of 2000 by stepping completely out of the film business and getting sponsorship from some private businesses and individuals via my lawyer.
I started pre-production in late August 2000 and we had finished shooting by the first week of October that year. Then I had a long and tortuous process of getting it edited, getting the voice over done (which turned out to be the easy bit, thanks to Mr. Alexander Armtrong who is a complete star and gentleman), getting the animations ready and the soundtrack written and recorded. It wasn't until the Summer of 2001 that I finally had it ready for release.
By that stage, a couple of websites had emerged, mainly repeating each other, on the subject of where to stand in a toilet blah, blah blah, but also another short film called "Urinal" and starring Paul Kaye had pipped our film to the post and got released ahead of us.
Now the company who made "Urinal" was one of the places I had sent a copy of my script to. By all accounts, they had 4 times the budget of mine and rushed the production through. I'm NOT saying my idea was stolen, and there are some clear differences between my script and theirs (they have an anal rape scene...British comedy, ladies and gentlemen) so let's knock the idea of plagarism on the head here and now. I think there's room enough in this world for multiple takes on the same subject; we are blessed in having both "The Seven Samurai" and "The Magnificent Seven"...even though I thought "Urinal" was thoroughly dreadful. Have I covered my ass enough now?
Building Blogs
14/4/2006 @ 11:38
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Wifey and I were at the Barbican last night to see a Shostakovich concert; Symphonies No. 1 and 14. It was interesting to see how Shostakovich's music combines classical western harmonic tradition with avant garde discordant and desconstruction techniques in a modernist setting, and the lead viola player was quite cute but I'm not here to talk about music.
The Barbican itself is an interesting building or set of buildings. A 1970's vision of the future that immediately reminded me of being on the set of "Rollerball" or "Space: 1999". I wished I'd worn my Nehru jacket suit for the occasion. However, it's not like other modern housing estates: No graffitti covering the walls, no smell of urine in the stairwells, no random nutter squatting and yelling "Fuggeddy, horruggghhwugh, gerrrrou'ofhere.....WHOOOORRRREEESSS!"
It all seems to self-police itself as well. In the concert hall, no one checks to see if you have a valid ticket and when you order half time drinks, they're placed on a shelf in the main hall. Anyone can just take your drinks and no one would be the wiser but no one does...it's all so mannered and well behaved. Well, it was until I arrived. It was great fun, drinking up everyone elses' drink, sneaking into the concert for free and having a wazz in the stairwells. Ha! I fooled them all, those stupid WHOOOORRRREEEESSSS!
Wind.
Bloggy, Bloggy, Bloggy...Oi! Oi! Oi!
10/4/2006 @ 23:29
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Someone sent me a chain letter in my e-mails today. They challenged me to enter my birth date (minus the year) into Wikipedia, the online encyclopaedia, and then come up with 3 things that happened on that date, 3 people I shared a birthday with and 3 people who died on that date. Here's what it came up with:
October 4th (1967)
FACTS:
* 1957: Man in Des Moines listens to Sputnik 1 radio signal on his crystal set.
* 1985: Bus is 25 minutes late in Glasgow.
* 1998: Croydon Ripper, origami expert, forced to change his name due to unfortunate adverse publicity.
BIRTHS:
* Kenneth Wrotts (b. 1921), train driver, Bedford.
* Srikataravagham Benedahluvish (b. 1899), civil servant, Bombay (now Mumbai)
* April Gaviscon (b. 1701), housewife, Boston, Massechusetts colony
DEATHS:
* Oberst Wolfgang Prundt (d. 1944 over Belgium), Luftwaffe pilot.
* Tehemenophetomet (d. 863 B.C. constructing the death tomb of Rammikab IV), slave.
* Originality in television programming (d. 1992)
Blog New World
07/4/2006 @ 16:36
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So the Chinese reckon they invented golf do they? Every so often they claim to have invented something 2000 years before the rest of us: This week it's golf, last time it was football, then compass navigation, the Bessemer Converter and string and the only proof they ever show is a bunch of ancient Mandarins
Don't get me wrong, the Chinese have an incredible history and developed many things whilst such as medicine, science, astronomy, trade, construction and so forth at a time when we in the West considered the bronze spear to be a cool thing. I'm not knocking the culture, but there's something about China that reminds me of the kid at school who claimed to have done everything and seen everything to his classmates...you know the type.
"Yeah, I have all the set of Pokemon, and every X-Box game ever designed and my brother gets me all the movies BEFORE THEY'RE EVEN RELEASED! Yeah, been there, done that, more times than you."
One day we'll get a story on the news that goes like this: "Well, we're very pleased to announce that we've discovered a radical new way stem cell research technique that will revolutionise treatment of many diseases...and it was done here, in Britain"
"Excuse me...but you'll find we Chinese discovered this technique over 2500 years ago"
"Wait a minute, you need complex laboratories, computer mapping, an advanced knowledge of microbiology...."
"Yes...in this picture that was recently discovered in a shed, er, I mean Emperor's tomb, you can clearly see courtiers using petrie dishes and a centrifuge."
"Let's have a closer look at that picture!"
"No, it is sacred Chinese text. Trust us, we invented it. We did. We invented everything ever and 500 years before Christ"
And that's another thing; reporters always underscore the point by saying these things were happening or invented in China before Christ. Sorry, but since when was Christ an inventor? Is he the invention benchmark here?
"Ah, but didn't he invent Christianity?" says smug person at the back there. No, he IS Christianity, died for our sins, son of God and all that but that doesn't mean he was an inventor unless I'm missing something.
"And so, my disciples, I am the way, the truth, the light. Whoever believes in me shall have eternal life....now I've got to go and finish the designs for the pneumatic tyre. Patent office shuts at 5."
The other thing about
Blog Jammin'
05/4/2006 @ 14:12
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I have a confession to make, Rhubba fans...I have a weakness for a French radio station.
www.nostalgie.fr
I first discovered Nostalgie when on honeymoon in France last October and it is a station dedicated to the hits 1950-1990; a bit like Radio 2 only more so. Yes, you get "Hear Comes the Sun" (played by Le Beatles), "Your Song" and "California Girls" (played by Les Garcons de la Plage) but the real gems are the French pop songs, more on that later.
Curiously, even though it's a French station, the DJ's speak in French and the adverts are in French, the jingles for the station are all in English and performed in the style of famous pop songs. "My baby Nostalgie....Music...sweet, sweet musiiiiiic....Nos...tal...gieeeeee" or "Nostalgie is all we neeeeeed, it's all we really neeeeeed" to the tune of "Whiter Shade of Pale" and there are Sgt. Pepper and Beach Boys, sorry, that's Les Garcons De La Plage, parodies as well.
But the gems are the French pop songs. If you've never heard them...and forget any ideas of Serge Gainsbourg, Vanessa Paradis and Plastic Bertrand...they are an experience. Real French pop follows a strict forumla:
All of them have lots of strings and hammond organ. This is to create a sense of melancholy and if there's one thing a French pop song is, it's melancholic. Bloody tragic in fact.
The singer always sounds wistful and remorseful. He's lost his love, he's remembering a childhood home by the beach during a thunderstorm or he's lost his car keys. Whatever, the French pop singer is constantly pining for this lost state of affairs.
There are always flowers, girls and puppets in these songs in any combination. Oh, and plenty of rain. They cover the tears, you see?
At some point, all French popular singers have either been members of the Communist party or card carrying anarchists...which is ironic, when you think of it.
About 2/3rds of the way through a song, the singer will suddenly become hysterical. Those lost years, loves and a futile search for the keys behind the sofa have proved fruitless. Also, the collapse of world wide communism can't have helped.
Strangely though, it's compelling listening. They are many things but the songs are good tunes! The French can certainly write music and the lyrics sound great in French anyways. So that's my little vice. I'm currently listening to "Angie" by Les Pierres de Roulement; classique!
Starless and Bible Blog
03/4/2006 @ 16:18
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Hello one and all! Wifey and I have just got back from a dirty weekend in the Cotswolds...we didn't wash for 3 days. Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha I jest of course. Anyway, we stayed at a lovely bed and breakfast which I shan't name because that's free advertising and they haven't paid for one of my premier advertising slots here on Rhubba. So we had a lovely time at Cardynham House oh bugger! Well, I'll send them an invoice....anyway, we had a lovely time in the Gloucestershire (and already I can hear my American viewers struggling to pronounce that) village of Painswick which is home to a church that has 99 Yew trees in its grounds and an occasional Thai restaurant.
We toured parts of Gloucestershire (look, I'll make it easier for you...it's pronounced "Gloss-ter-sher") including Cheltenham, Sheepscombe, Cranham and Winchcombe and climbed Belas Knap where there's a 2500 year old burial mound in excellent condition (didn't see any stiffs though). It was great to get away for a weekend because...hankies at the ready....it was wifey and I's six month wedding anniversary. Awwwwwww. What do you mean that doesn't count? Whole years only? You spoilsports!
